Failing Student Returns To Failing

I recieved this lovely email from college today:

According to our records you have not yet completed the targets from November profiling you agreed to complete by key dates. Remember that these targets were agreed to help you achieve better grades. You should look at them soon – particularly if you have any examinations in January.

You must address the following targets:

• 'Meeting deadlines for Shakespeare Grid' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:DRA:B1. Current progress is 76%
• 'Get more done in lessons' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:DRA:B1. Current progress is 47%
• 'Attend rehearsals outside of college hours for Jan' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:DRA:B1. Current progress is 45%
• 'Draft devised coursework carefully and on time' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:DRA:B1. Current progress is 3%
• 'Re-read the novels we are studing' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:ENA:A3. Current progress is 0%
• 'Do outside reading on the gothic and the gothic texts' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:ENA:A3. Current progress is 0%
• 'More revision Attend the Revision Conference on Dec 4th and make sure you incorporate the advice into your revision ' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:SOA:E1. Current progress is 0%
• 'Work on my essay technique. we will preactice things like the 'deconstruction para' - this is important -for avoiding the 'write all you know' type answers that you are prone to' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:SOA:E1. Current progress is 0%
• 'Make sure your essays are thoroughly well researched using all the material at your disposal inc. the website and your textbook. Incorporate appropriate examples to illustrate your understanding of the points your make' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:SOA:E1. Current progress is 0%
• 'As for exam technique, focus upon the skill of evaluation - this is vital and we all must be able to do it explicitly in our essays. When revising -home in on points that describe the strengths and weaknesses of the research or theories etc.' should be completed by 05/03/2010 for class 2:SOA:E1. Current progress is 0%

This email has been automantically created. Please do not reply to this email.

Isn't that just smashing?

I have no idea how you change these targets and thus, my day is ruinneeed

peace out